Wrecked!

This past summer I was speaking to a friend and fellow animation fan and told her I'd seen Pixar's Brave.  "Ooh, you did?" she asked.  "How was it?"
"It was good," I answered with a bit of a shrug.  "But I really wanted it to be great."

Today I finally got to see Disney's latest animated feature, Wreck-It Ralph.  While I thought the concept was clever enough and the animation looked pretty, I went in expecting it to be shoulder-shrugging "good."  What it was turned out to be freakin' great!
In fact, I'd call it a modern day masterpiece!

I was completely blown away like a loose brick in an unfortunate wall pummeled by Ralph.  Put aside the amazing animation and 3D effects used to their full potential and actually serving the story, this movie is an incredibly well-written, entertaining tale full of heart.  From his first words of dialogue, Ralph is the most likable "bad guy" ever to appear on screen.  You're rooting for him almost immediately, and as a man you feel for his sense of discontentment in his career and desire for more, not materially but spiritually.

The plot is completely original and unique, even if somewhat predictable in a few places.  It's so perfectly executed, even the moments you saw coming don't disappoint.  In fact they still manage to fill your heart with satisfaction.  Don't get me wrong, Wreck-It Ralph threw me more than a few curve balls.
Mentos and diet soda . . . who saw that coming?!?
Even plot devices I figured would return eventually were still used in completely unexpected ways, making even us soured old adults laugh and cheer and want to clap for our brutish hero and his adorable sidekick!
 

Not only is the story writing near perfection, the voice-casting is spot-on!  While there are plenty of recognizable voices, I wouldn't call any of it "stunt casting" where some big star is hired in the hope their fame will equate to more ticket sales . . .even if their voice doesn't serve the production  (*cough* Rosie O'Donnell in Tazan *cough*)
All these actors seem to have thrown themselves into the roles and it pays off so well!  In fact one actor created such a perfect character, I could not for the life of me figure out who it was!  King Candy is voiced masterfully (with a nod to the late great Ed Wynn) by Alan "It's called a lance" Tudyk of A Knight's Tale and cult-favorite Firefly.  John C. Reilly and Jack McBrayer were born to play their parts, and Sarah Silverman may have actually reinvented her entire career with this movie as Venellope!  We'll have to wait and see what she does next, but Silverman has never been this lovable!

Even Jane Lynch who I will admit I find to be a bit over-saturated right now was fantastic.  And her character is pretty hot too!
   

I never saw Wreck-It Ralph coming.  I expected a decent, funny animated effort full of video game references, half of which I wouldn't get as a non-gamer, that would fill 90 minutes and keep the kids interested for the most part.  This film will not be relegated to the second shelf of my collection with Bolt, The Wild, or Meet the Robinsons.  Wreck-It Ralph is a new Disney classic.  This movie, even with it's very specific video game references will hold-up and remain timeless.  Ralph will rest alongside Peter Pan and Pinocchio.  I truly believe if Walt could see this movie he would stand and cheer, filled with joy for what his animation studio has accomplished!  They managed to make a beautiful piece of cutting-edge visual art yet placed inside it a beating, feeling heart that touches every audience member regardless of age.  It's not the "Roger Rabbit of video game movies."  It's so much better!
What surprised me the most was how many times I felt myself getting emotional, almost tearing up.  This isn't a video game movie at all.  It touches the human spirit.  Perhaps even more-so for us big guys!
And let's be honest, how bad do I want to play a real Sugar Rush game now?!?


What saddens me just a bit is something that also recalls that earlier conversation I mentioned.  When I told my friend how I kept waiting for Brave to really reveal it's self, to feel that punch in the gut so many earlier Pixar films always delivered, she sighed and cocked her head with concern.
"Do you think Pixar has peaked?" she asked.
I thought for a moment, then told her I didn't want to say it.  I still don't.  It wasn't very long ago there were those who said "Disney Animation is dead!  Pixar is the only hope.  Long live Pixar!"
As Brave kind of fell at the finish line for me, and I see the plan for the next few years is to keep going back to the old Pixar wells and trying to draw up more water, my concern grows. 

I'm certain Pixar's success and the guidance of the great John Lasseter over the last few years helped right the ship, and have steered a new direction for Walt Disney Animation.  Now it seems, at least to me the ship is steering itself beyond perhaps even that captain's vision.  The last Disney animated feature I truly loved was Tangled.  Also NOT a Pixar flick.  And call me what you want, those direct-to-video Tinkerbell movies have for the most part been fantastic.  Especially the most recent offering, Secret of the Wings.  That could & should have been a theatrical release.  Meanwhile, I've been disappointed with the last couple Pixar releases.  Even Toy Story 3, which I did love, played more to our sentimental attachment to those characters, and not a great story.  I'm not saying "screw Pixar, we don't need 'em anymore."  I hope they find their way and aren't just making a few last cash grabs with sequels and prequels, knowing their best is behind them.


What I am saying is Wreck-It Ralph proves that Walt Disney Animation is still the champion.  They may have had a few years on the ropes, but they've sprung back to their feet, stronger and determined, with the eye of the tiger.  They certainly knocked this one out!  I can't wait to read the standings on Monday, as I predict even weeks after it's premiere, Ralph will have pummeled Dreamjerks latest offering, Rise of Tattooed Santa . . . or, uh . . .whatever.  Ralph rules!             






Update:  Since writing this, Wreck-It Ralph received an Oscar nomination for Best Animated Feature, along with lesser-worthy films Brave and Frankenweenie.  I suppose as long as Disney wins, we all win.  But if the best man shall win, it will be a man with enormous, brick bashing arms!  Go Ralph!!! 

Talkin' Turkey!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends! 

In honor of this day where we give thanks and appreciate the blessings in our lives, I just wanted to take a moment to say Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and thank you for being friends, readers, and supporters! 

Thanksgiving always makes me miss my grandmother.  We always spent Thanksgiving with her and she was an amazing cook.  She turned their little apartment in a retirement village into a 4 Star gourmet restaurant.  Okay, hillbilly gourmet . . . but damn it was good! 

This holiday's never been the same since my grandparents passed on.  But this year we're keeping it small, just my wife and kids and I.  And I'm liking it!  But if I weren't at home, there's one place I wish, other than my grandmother's table that I could be spending Thanksgiving! 

If every day on Mainstreet USA is the Fourth of July, then it’s always Thanksgiving in Liberty Square!  That is, if you’ve got your dinner ADR for Liberty Tree Tavern.  

 

That's a hypothetical “if” because if you don't eat there at least once, well, you're dumb!  Fashioned after the Colonial inns our founding fathers dined in, Liberty Tree Tavern is the perfect location for family dinner.  The food is old school traditional American eats.  Servers drop off family-style platters of roast turkey, pork, beef brisket, vegetables, fresh baked rolls, mashed potatoes and gravy, and Mac & cheese.  It's all you can eat and it's all delicious!  In some cases even better than mom used to make.  Just don’t undo your belt after dinner.  That would be weird.

 

Don't try to walk-up and expect a table either.  The staff will of course try to accommodate, but plan on being hungry for another hour or more because that’s how soon you’re likely to be seated.  

 

Of course, if I were at Walt Disney World today, I might not want to sit down to a big meal . . . even on Thanksgiving, the Super Bowl of eating holidays!  

 Thank goodness the parks always offer another alternative to satisfy your craving for what was almost our National Bird!  

 

Lately I’ve noticed every carnival and fair sells turkey legs.  But the first place I ever enjoyed one was at Walt Disney World.  I tried one at our local County Fair once.  I spit out the first bite and pitched the rest to the raccoons.  It was heinous.  A criminal offense to my taste buds.  I was so pissed I tied the vendor to the Tilt-a-Whirl and punched a prize-winning sheep on my way out. 

However, the barbecued turkey legs at Walt Disney world are amazing!  I don’t know that anyone would ever plan a trip just for these babies, but they’re almost reason enough!  They’ve become something of a staple snack at every Disney Park, but the first park I ever tasted one was Hollywood Studios.  Theme park food is often hit or miss, but these ginormous drumsticks are a definite hit!  Perfectly smoked with a nice pinkish color, they taste almost more like pork than poultry.  Drop one (or let’s be honest, two) of these babies on my Thanksgiving plate and I’m a happy Neanderthal.  

 

There was a time when a turkey leg constituted a “snack” and one could use a snack credit from their Disney dining plan.  Apparently someone in management wised up because that option has been removed.  At nearly $10 bucks a leg, they might be the most expensive snack on property.  Fortunately it’s a snack that eats like a meal.  And let’s be real, if you drove down the center of the park on a Harley, wearing a Viking helmet, smoking a cigar, with two Hooters waitresses on the back of the bike, you wouldn’t look as manly as when your canines are ripping bird from bone, as nature intended!   

You’ll feel like Henry the VIII!  Plus, no table required.  You don’t even need a plate.  The bone is nature’s handle.  You can keep on walking while you eat; guaranteeing you won't miss out on any fun!  If only more food came with a built-in utensil!

Plus, how many foods inspire their own souvenir apparel?!?

 

And let's not forget the wonderful, condensed version of Thanksgiving between two slices of bread at the Earl of Sandwich in Downtown Disney . . .

  

Still, I wouldn't hop on Star Tours or Tower of Terror for at least 3 hours after consuming an entire Thanksgiving feast in a single sandwich!  

Happy Thanksgiving everybody . . . just a little over a month til the Disney Parks Christmas Parade!  That ought to give you sweet dreams as you snore in front of the football game this afternoon!!!  

 

Prepare to WALK the plank!!!

Well, I decided it was time I weighed in on the big controversy brewing at Walt Disney World this week!  I know a number of people are upset, some concerned with how it will affect the rest of the theme.  Does such a large franchise belong?  Is this cheapening or commercializing the park? 

That’s right . . .  I’m talking of course about the announced attraction The Legend of Captain Jack Sparrow!  Ouch!  Sorry, my triple shot, no whip, not fat white chocolate mocha was a little hot!

Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah . . . Disney has announced a new walk-through attraction will be opening at Disney’s Hollywood Studios.  They’ve closed the door on Narnia and dropped the wardrobe in a wood chipper.  Where once there was a snowy forest, a lamp post, and fauns, there will now be piles of treasure, gold doubloons, swords, and surely a few skulls & skeletons.  Dead men tell no tales, nor do they use Omnimovers!

Aside from having an incredibly long name, The Legend of Captain Jack Sparrow (phew) invites guests into a secret pirate’s grotto, probably not unlike Shipwreck Cove or Isla de Muerta to stand before a magical skull (see I told you!  Skulls!!!)  This ghostly host will test your mettle to see if you’re worthy to join the crew of Captain Jack! The attraction is set to open Dec. 6^th though it’s likely you might catch a dress rehearsal any day now.

I love the Pirates franchise.  Jack Sparrow (yes, I know . . . there should be a “Captain” in there somewhere!)  What I’m not a fan of is walk-through attractions.  Even when wearing Crocs.  I’ve yet to enter one that didn’t seem a bit slap-dash . . . especially those at Hollywood Studios.  The first Narnia seemed like a great idea until I entered the wardrobe to discover it was . . . lame.  It looked like the Christmas tree display at a big box hardware store with a screen showing a glorified trailer to sell DVD’s.  Then of course some deranged White Queen look-alike walked out on the fire escape and yelled at us, and we were ushered out.  I kept thinking “couldn’t they at least put me in a wagon and pull me through?!?”

I never bothered with the Prince Caspian version. 

Even Universal Studios, who I’ll give credit for trying to elevate the walk-through attraction by throwing a ton of money into Poseidon’s Fury at Islands of Adventure still missed the mark.  Of course it didn’t help I waited 20 minutes in the hot sun to get in, not knowing it was a walk-through.  It looked too big, too grand, too expensive not to have a complex vehicle system, right?  Wrong!  The whole time as they ushered us from amazing looking room to room, I kept telling myself “this is all preshow.  The next room will have cars!”  Not to be, sadly.  It felt like we were walking through a great ride building because the track was broken.

Ironically Walt’s original plan for the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction at Disneyland was for it to be a walk-through wax museum of sorts.  So in some small, weird way this honors his idea.  I’m certainly willing to give The Legend of Captain Jack Sparrow a chance.  The set pieces along will likely make it worthwhile.  Even the artwork on the show building looks pretty incredible.  Hopefully they’ve actually put some real thought (and cash) into this attraction.  If not, it will likely be a walk-through Avengers attraction next year and I’ll stick to the Lonely Island/Michael Bolton song. 

Now back to the good part . . . !

UPDATE:  Ok, I take back any misgivings about this attraction!   Just watched this attraction video posted by Inside the Magic, and it looks cool!!!  There's a little "dead air" towards the end, but the effects look good, they've spent money, and made a quality walk-through (well, looks more like a stand-in) attraction!  Well met!  Check out the video below and check out www.insidethemagic.net for more amazing WDW coverage, video, etc!  

The Most Interesting Pavilion in the World!

Okay, that's probably pushing it.  But I can't think of the Morocco pavilion at Epcot's World Showcase without thinking of the Dos Equis commercials featuring "the most interesting man in the world."  Morocco seems like his kind of place!  It's definitely mine!
   
A few days ago the Disney Parks Blog featured a new entry in their Parks After Dark photo series.  This time the subject was Morocco.  As expected, the pics are amazing!

I'm only disappointed that they didn't put up more shots.  Morocco is up there in my top 3 pavilions at World Showcase, even though I could never really tell you exactly why.  It's something intangible.  There's just a feeling, an energy about meandering through those stone walls.  The authenticity bleeds through the architecture into the air.  It irritates me that so many guests just pass right by, or if they do slow down to check out Morocco, they just do a quick lap and move on because there's no boat ride.
While I would love to see an Aladdin dark ride in the back of the pavilion, it doesn't need any gags or tricks.  It just is.  I find it so relaxing, so enchanting and exotic, I could spend an hour doing nothing but sitting on a bench (with a beer and a pita, of course!)

So in tribute to my beloved pavilion, I wanted to share another excerpt from newly finished book . . .

I have heard people say this pavilion is boring.  That there isn’t enough to see or do inside its walls.   The unfamiliar culture holds no appeal, especially to a real man.  First of all, those people should be spat on by a camel.   It is true; Morocco is a country many of us know nothing about.  Beyond what we learned from Casablanca anyway (and really what more do you need to know?)  Yet ignorant as I am, I love this pavilion.  The mysteriousness is part of what makes Morocco one of my favorite World Showcase pavilions.  Don’t just pass this one by.  Step in.  Take your kids.  Spend some time to get lost in the authentic architecture and artwork.  Wind through its tight corridors and hidden rooms and shops.  Your children will like discovering the little parlor area where an ancient book is sitting open on display, featuring a familiar magic carpet pilot. 

I spent some time exploring this pavilion recently and it is so deceiving, so immersive and authentic that I nearly forgot I was at Walt Disney World.  I was a traveler in Marrakech.  Until I saw Aladdin posing for pictures with guests.  Even the addition of a Disney character aside, everything about this pavilion is incredibly authentic.  It should be considering the King of Morocco (the real one) sent his personal architect to oversee construction and make sure the pavilion met the royal standard.  Unfortunately there’s no boat ride (we all know from Casablanca there are no waters.)  As for a ride, Aladdin’s flying carpets are over at the Magic Kingdom.  But the lack of rides does not equate to “nothing to do.”  Just bring your adventurous side with you.   

 There is the Moroccan restaurant, Restaurant Marrakech with an exotic and actually delicious menu.  Be just a little bit daring.  You can get chicken fingers or sliders at home anytime.  They’re not serving chilled monkey brains!  I've been called a picky eater (my gut would beg to differ) and I've loved everything I’ve eaten here.  Even if you're not crazy about trying a new cuisine, there’s another reason to make an ADR at Marrakech.  Something equally as thrilling as any roller coaster: belly dancers! 

If the smell from the kitchen doesn't get your mouth watering, these attractive performers dancing the Seven Veils just might.  Just don't get caught ogling too long.  Your wife might exile you to the couch, and that’s if you’re in a deluxe resort.  Otherwise you’re sleeping on a lounge chair by the pool!  Although, it is Florida.  Hey!  Snap out of it!  Don't get caught ogling the bellies, if you catch my midriff . . . err, drift!   

 

Alright, if I can't excite you with eastern architecture or exciting new cuisine, and you're the “lead me not into temptation” type, I understand, Flanders.  You don't have to wander too deep to taste the best of Morocco.  There's a beverage stand right outside the pavilion.  I’ve mentioned I don’t normally go for colorful drinks, least of all bright orange ones.  Nor do I drink frozen cocktails.  When I do indulge in the occasional margarita (or seven) it’s always on the rocks.  That said Morocco’s tangerine daiquiri has on more than one occasion almost changed my philosophy on blended beverages. 

 

I won’t delve too deep into description because, well, they’re not burying the lead here.  It’s a daiquiri that tastes like tangerine.  Apparently the Clever Names team was off that day.   It is sweet without being thick and syrupy.  For a nice treat in the middle of a hot day, I'd certainly take one of these over a Popsicle.

The star of that drink cart for a real man is definitely Morocco’s home brew, Casa Beer.  

   Apparently one of North Africa’s best kept fermented secrets.  It’s a nice crisp lager with earthy, citrusy notes and a perfect balance of sweet and bitter.  Seems somewhat appropriate for a desert environment.  I’ve never seen it sold in my part of the world and I'm actually glad.  As a beer drinker, it’s one of a thousand little details about Walt Disney World I look forward to as each new trip approaches.

 Man's Journal:

I found myself roaming the antechambers of the Morocco pavilion.  I decided to take a little breather.  A live band called Mo Rockin was playing this wild blend of rock meets traditional Arabic meets electronica.  I found a bench in the courtyard and sat taking in the pavilion and watching tourists all around.  Across from me aromas of grilled meats and vegetables from the Tangerine Cafe filled my nose.  I sipped my cold Casa beer and sighed, happier to be there over almost any place in the world.

A handful of guests from Morocco, the real place, friends or family of one of the Cast Members wandered about.  I watched as the manager appeared to greet them.  On his way, he stopped a few feet from me to bend down and pick up a piece of trash.  Again, that Disney difference.  Not even a second thought, regardless his position.  The park is everyone’s responsibility. 

I watched as he was introduced to this new group and everyone smiled warmly and hugged and kissed each other.  There was this genuine friendliness and affection between them all.  Maybe I’ve seen Casablanca too many times, but it made me think again that Morocco a country I must visit I kick off. 

If it was good enough for Bogey, it’s good enough for me.

For me there is nothing better than the few minutes I steal for myself, get my beer and relax in the Moroccan courtyard.  It's then I really appreciate being on vacation.  Especially since Epcot is almost always my first day destination.  I'll sit in that intricately tiled courtyard, hearing music, smelling good food, hearing laughter, and inevitably look at my watch thinking “any other day, I'd be at work right now.” 

There is a Moroccan proverb that hangs almost hidden inside pavilion:  “The first thing one should own is a home; and it is the last thing one should sell.  For a home is one's castle this side of Heaven.” 

The moments I spend in Morocco are always a little sample of the other side.

   

Check out the Disney Parks Blog post at:  http://disneyparks.disney.go.com/blog/2012/11/disney-parks-after-dark-morocco-pavilion-at-epcot/

You May Be Luke's Father, But Now Mickey Is Your Daddy!

Tuesday my friend Amanda Belle Starr asked me to write a piece for her site:  amanadabellestar.com.  It happened to be the day the Disney/Lucasfilm merger was announced . . . 
 

This afternoon I got a strange email from Amanda “Belle” Starr.  It read:  “Do you want to write something about Disney buying Lucasfilm?”

To which I responded:  “Sure.  Wait . . . WHAT?!?!  That happened???”

Pesky day job gets in the way again!  But I soon caught up on today’s big Disney news.  In a deal valued at over $4 Billion (with a B) George Lucas turned the keys to the Empire over to the Kingdom.

The minute I read it, I got chills.  And the strangest thing is I don’t know why.  To be honest, I’m not that big of a Star Wars fan.  I’ve seen the flicks and liked about half of them.  In fact according to most hyper-Star Wars fans I like all the wrong ones.  I loved the third one, Jedi, which is somehow of course the sixth. And I thought the last one, Revenge of the Sith, somehow the third movie (man my head hurts) was completely satisfying. How Anakin Skywalker went from whiny, emo white kid to James Earl Jones I’ll never understand, but otherwise a solid origin story!

I’ve never read any of the litany of Star Wars novels (whether they’re canon or not.)  I don’t watch the Clone Wars, nor do I have a box of action figures stashed away in the basement for the kids’ college fund.  I do have some Star Wars Legos – I never said I’m not a geek, just not a Star Wars geek!  But I couldn’t tell you if Han shot first if my life (or Greedo’s) depended on it.

I owe more of what I know about the galaxy far, far away to Kevin Smith than I do George Lucas. But I’ve always respected the worlds and creatures that Lucas created.  His alien characters are some of the most memorable in cinematic history and have inspired generations of artists, like myself.  Just like Disney.

Where the mighty chinless one always fell short for me was in the story department. His plots are pretty infantile and yet sometimes so pointless they become impossible to follow.  And as a director, I sometimes wondered if he even watched the performers in the monitor or was too busy signing advanced licensing deals.  No offense, but that Hayden Christensen was about as emotive as a hermit crab.  And I mean no offense to hermit crabs!

Perhaps that’s why I see this as such a brilliant move.  Disney believes story is most important.  At Disney, be it the studios, parks, stores, or even the office bathrooms, everything tells a story.  I’m guessing on one of those!

According to Tony Baxter, Lucas once said “if I couldn’t have done it on my own, the only company I would have trusted with was Disney.” Today he put his money where his mouth . . . well, he actually took their money and put it where his . . . their . . .you know what I mean!

Lucas states he wants to retire but wants to see the universe he created carry on. Quite a switch from the guy who said after Sith there’d never be another Star Wars.  One wonders if all the criticism of the prequels finally got to him. One also wonders if all those zeroes on the check got to him!

Disney has announced the seventh Star Wars is already in the works.  We don’t know the current stage, but are told Lucas handed over 3 complete treatments for Episodes 7, 8, and 9, and it’s widely speculated they will continue the stories of Han, Luke, and Leia.  Whether the original cast will be reprise them remains to be seen.  Mark Hammill would be great as the elder Obi Wan-like leader of the reborn Jedi.  And everybody loves Harrison Ford’s Han Solo . . . and he knows.  God forbid they take the Hollywood route replacing Han with a Robert Pattinson-type or Leia with Kristen “I’m always constipated” Stewart.

Beyond the obvious stories, imagine the cornucopia of stories that could be expanded on in the Star Wars universe.  An entire film franchise based on the exploits of badass bounty hunter Boba Fett!  I’d like to see the story of the completely underused Sith Lord, Darth Maul.  Who was he?  Where did he come from?  Was he really red with black spots, or black with red spots?

Disney has the resources and creative teams to make expand these stories and a million more.  And as for the Disney parks, forget about it!  Yes, Disney’s Hollywood Studios is already Star Wars heavy.  CEO Bob Iger implied that the parks will play a large role in this acquisition.  The rumors of a Star Wars theme park have flown around the galaxy for years.  While that seems like a risky move to me, an entire Star Wars Land somewhere seems plausible and exciting and now, more likely.  As long as it doesn’t screw up any possible Marvel additions!  Though I’ve officially accepted we can kiss Pandora goodbye!

Whatever happens from here, this deal ensures that the Star Wars legacy, were it ever in any kind of trouble, will endure for generations to come.  Judging by my own inexplicable excitement, it seems very likely Disney taking the controls of the Millennium Falcon will bring a whole new fan base … to the rebel base!  See what I did there?

Punch it, Goofy!

Mr. Stark, We've Been Expecting You!

Greetings true believers!

As if yesterday’s announcement of Disney buying Lucasfilm wasn’t enough to keep the drums beating for months, another amazing release followed shortly on its heels.  In fact it blasted those heels with its gauntlet-mounted energy repulsors (geek check . . . here!)

For the last few years, since Disney inked the deal with Marvel many of us have been clamoring for one thing . . . to see our heroes up close and personal.

Now let me stop here and say if you’re of the “We don’t want Marvel characters in our sacred Princess parks . . . snivel snivel . . . meep” then stop reading now.  Or else cinch up your diaper and buckle up!

Cue Black Sabbath:  “I am Iron Man!!!”  Dun, dun, du-du-dunn . . .!

The world is about to become a safer place.  At least Anaheim anyway.  Disneyland has announced come February, they be shuttering Innoventions in Tomorrowland to clear the way for Tony Stark!  Finally, in the second phase of making the Marvel acquisition pay off in spades, an Iron Man themed attraction is coming!  This will be the first Marvel attraction in a Disney park, and like it or not (Catch 22: if you vote not, you get no vote) will be the first of many!

As to what kind of attraction we don’t know yet.  It pains me to give them credit, but what Universal did with their Harry Potter attraction would translate well to Iron Man.  The very idea of flying through a combination of 3-D video and animatronics in the Iron Man universe = mind blown!

If they’re considering bringing Cars Land to Orlando, they’d better have a plan in place to deliver Iron Man as well!  Once they build one, cloning it is easy.  If I may speak heresy, bulldoze the boring speedway!  That plot of land would be a great spot to build a Stark Industries facility!

Plus they could probably get Stan Lee to serve burgers at Cosmic Rays!

Even though Disney is a little limited, contractually to what Marvel properties they can play with right now, there are still many titles in the toy box!  How awesome would an Incredible Hulk attraction be?  Watch Bruce Banner transform right before our eyes before chasing us through a frantic dark ride!  Get knocked around a track as Hulk and Abomination duke it out through the city!  

 

Again, hate to say it but that studio park across town paved the way.  What they did with Spiderman could serve as a blueprint for incredible Marvel attractions.  And of course Disney would plus it!  For instance Of course Disney would have to make vehicles suitable for everyone to ride.  Have you seen the average comic book fan?  We’re men of stature!  You want our money make sure there’s room for our butts!

They wouldn’t have to limit the Marvel presence to any one park.  I know many critics (whiners) say “keep Marvel to Hollywood Studios!”  Why?  By that rationale every attraction connected to any film franchise would have to be shoehorned into DHS!  Magic Kingdom would be a pretty empty place.  If they fit the theme somewhere else, use them.  Incorporate them so it feels organic of course, but don’t deny them just because they don’t come with mouse ears!

Imagine a Black Panther tie-in at Disney’s Animal Kingdom.  Some kind of attraction based around the tales of the strong, wealthy African prince who dons a costume to fight crime and corruption and protect all life, human and animal in his country.  

 

You say that doesn’t sound tailor-made for DAK?

 

This news is amazing!  This week has been like Christmas in late-October!  To those who continue to be critical, I can only say you got your new princess land this year.  Be honest,you know it is!  Give another demographic a chance.  Marvel characters don’t bastardize the brand; they add yet another layer making it accessible to a wider audience.  That means more revenue, more excitement, and more Disney for everybody!

Excelsior!

Let's Do This For Kendall

Alright Mousejunkies, Captain Sarcastic has to get serious because I need some advice.  I'm on a mission.  An old friend of mine has a little girl who just turned 4, but will not see 10.  Odds are she won't see 6.  She has a disease called mitochondrial disorder.  To put too fine a point on it, her organs are slowly shutting down.  Every other week I see my friend "check in" from the hospital/ER for some new horrible development.

Yet to her credit, 4 year old Kendall refuses to roll over to this thing.  She is a bright-eyed, laughing, loving, running (when she can) little girl. 
Today my friend and I were chatting and she mentioned Kendall just discovered there's a place called Walt Disney World.  She asked her mom could she go there.  My friend said it broke her heart.  They've got 4 kids and one income, and you can only imagine the medical bills.  I mentioned Make A Wish, and she said even if they were offered a trip, it's unlikely Kendall could do it.  They're afraid to fly with her.  She can't be that far from home and her medical team (yes, at 4 she has a team.)  Not too mention, the thought of contacting M.A.W. made my friend start crying again because it's just another reminder of the gravity of her daughter's condition. 
It hit me.  All she wants to do is meet Cinderella and the gang she sees every morning on MMCH.  If I can't get this girl to them, I'll be damned if there's not a way I can get them to come see her.  Whether it's get a couple characters to literally show up at their door, or get them backstage at the next Disney On Ice.  It would change this girl's life forever. 
So I'm asking you guys for any advice, any connections you might have.  Don't even post it here.  This isn't about "here's how to get special stuff from Disney."  Send me a private message.  Any advice is appreciated.  I'm already working a couple loose connections I have at Make A Wish as well as the local arena where Disney on Ice sets up each year.  This is personal.  I live to bring Disney into people's lives who don't get it like we do.  But this is a mission.
 

I know what the "magic" has done in my life . . . I can only imagine what it could do for this family.  I hope you guys can forgive a brother for posting a novel here.  But I think you'll understand. 

Int'l Food & Wine Fest Tips: Eat This, Not That!

As Epcot's International Food & Wine festival gets underway, I thought since I can't be there personally this year, I'd share a few highlights of my culinary adventure last year.  Bon Appetite!  

I started to the right and came upon the Ireland booth near the Rose & Crown Pub.  They were serving something called Lobster & Scallop Fisherman’s Pie.  Sounded good, but a heavy creamy dish in the 80+ degree Florida sun?  Then I saw one.  It looked like a delicious little cloud of goodness.  Creamy whipped potatoes covered in melted cheese.  That alone could easily undo me.  Imagining chunks of lobster and scallops swimming in a delicious sea of sauce underneath was more than I could resist.  And thank Guinness!  It only took one steaming bite to know it was the right choice to start my eating adventure.  Right off the bat I got a huge hunk of lobster, mixed with whipped potato and sauce.  I felt connected to my Irish ancestors and to the sea gods themselves.  This was comfort food from an ancient home.  It was going to be hard for anything to live up to this first sample.  

 A Heavenly cloud of goodness! 

Ireland was pouring Guinness naturally, but also Bunraty Meade honey wine.  I’ve had Guinness a few (thousand) times before so I opted for the Meade.  I’d heard about Meade in Robin Hood and Game of Thrones, but never had the opportunity to raise a goblet.  Not what I expected, but very addictive.  It was sweet, slightly syrupy, with a distinct flavor of honey.  I could see sipping on that all evening, bullshitting with family & friends like old Irishmen.  Although I can also imagine the rockin’ hangover something that sweet can produce.   

 

"Keep away from yellow bears in tight red t-shirts!"

Morocco was serving my favorite Casa beer, and it was actually a little cheaper than in the pavilion.  While waiting, I thought of how often I’d considered trying Moroccan food.  This seemed like a good way to dip a toe in the water without committing to a full meal.  I ordered a Kefta pocket.  Seasoned ground beef in a pita.  How bad could it be, right? 

Turned out not bad at all!  It was like a thicker burger flavored with foreign and delicious seasonings served in a pita along with a kind of Moroccan cole slaw.  When eaten all together, it was one of the best things I’ve ever put in my mouth.  And I have had a lot of strange things in my mouth!  (What?!?)  

Make sure you eat it all together.  The slaw can bunch up at the bottom and you lose that complete flavor!  

I nearly walked right past a small sign that read Singapore.  I know Singapore’s most famous beverage, but one thing I didn’t know was what they ate with it.  I read over the menu and the words “coconut braised beef” caught my eyes.  My mouth began watering.     

Normally you say “coconut braised” anything I grab my fork.  Coconut braise a flip-flop and I'll be licking my chops.  Okay, that's a lie.  I'm actually wondering if the coconut braised Beef Rendang was formerly footwear.  I voraciously shoveled the first steamy bite into my mouth, and was immediately overwhelmed by this strange, un-beef like flavor.  It almost tasted like plastic or melted crayon.  I would have been better off eating the fork.  
To make matters worse, while it lacked in any enjoyable flavor, it over-compensated with spices.  The heat wave started traveling over my tongue and across the roof of my mouth like it was practicing Parkour. 

The hot mess on a plate was also actually hot!  The jasmine rice served alongside was hard and crunchy, like it had been sitting out too long. 

I still ate it.  Every bite.  Even though I hated the taste, like Stockholm syndrome I started to accept the heat, and in some masochistic way enjoy it.  More than anything, I finished my plate simply because I had paid for it.  I hate wasting money (and food!)  Throwing it away would be a double insult.  Appropriately, I ate it hunched over a garbage can.

 

 Take special note that it looks as if it was already eaten once.  Should've been a red flag!

Along with a helluva lot of Sam Adams beer, America was serving something called Linda Bean's Perfect Maine Lobster Roll.  I had no idea who Linda Bean was, but I do love me some lobster sir.  However I'd always heard of this New England staple as a hotdog roll loaded with a jar of mayonnaise and flake or two of lobster meat.  I caught sight of another guy's sandwich and I was stunned.  I saw hunks of lobster meat bigger than a baby's foot.  What I didn't see was mayo splooshing down his chin.  I decided it was time to introduce my pallet to this New England favorite. 

I was also stunned by this perfect roll’s cost $7.25.  The lobster roll was literally half a hotdog bun.  Still, I had to try it and snack credits were accepted.  Having taken advantage of Free Dining from Disney, I got my seven dollar snack for free.  One bite in, I would have gladly handed over a twenty spot.  I know that seems unlikely, but trust me.  The first bite made my eyes roll back into my head like a shark with a fat seal.  Fresh, thick lobster meat, just a touch of mayo, oil and light spices and herbs.  I had to sit down.  This was possibly the greatest sandwich I'd ever tasted.  

Admittedly being from the Midwest, I had no basis for comparison.  Lobsters haven't quite crawled their way to the Great Lakes.  They billed this as the “Perfect Lobster Roll” and I couldn’t possibly argue. 

I would have paid them fourteen bucks for a full-sized roll.  The last bite brought a tear of loss to my eye.  Seafood separation anxiety!  

 

I'm gonna cry!  Talk amongst yourselves . . . 

I found myself back at the ancient Mayan temple of Mexico.  The special festival offering was a choice between grilled shrimp or ribeye tacos.  I have never been one to pass up a good taco.  Actually, I've never passed up a taco period.  Along with food they were serving a strawberry lime margarita. 

The line moved fast and with my grilled rib eye taco and margarita in hand, I glanced around for someplace to eat.  That's one major challenge of Food & Wine.  Far less table space than people usually.  If you're with a group that could cause an issue.  Fortunately I was alone.  I'm also not proud.  As I said, I ate the spicy sewer rat from Singapore over a trash can.  A kindly middle-age man and his wife stopped me and asked how the margarita tasted.  I hadn't even tried it yet, so I obliged them by taking a sip.  My immediate reaction spilled out of my mouth: strong!  Seemed I hit the tequila pocket on my first attempt.  Shortly after the strawberry and subtle mint caught up once the initial alcoholic mushroom cloud passed and it was quite tasty. 

The gentleman chuckled and said “that's just how I like 'em!”  I laughed and carried on in search for a little out of the way spot to eat my taco.  Incidentally, that's how I like 'em too!  

I found space near the condiment counter of the San Angel Inn.  Back in the day what stood in its place was little more than a glorified churro stand with margaritas.  That and it used to be one of the best spots in Epcot to watch Illuminations.  I wasn't stopping to watch fireworks.  I had a prime beef taco to eat. 

I should have just gotten a plate of tacos from San Angel.  The grilled rib eye taco was a real disappointment.  A few strips of lightly marinated (as in barely at all) beef with chipotle pepper sauce and scallions wrapped in a flour tortilla.  It was dry and nearly flavorless.  Even a little lettuce would have helped this sad little taco.  When I was in line I thought if it was good, I'd go through again and order the grilled shrimp taco.  Then I could say I’d tried everything Mexico was offering at Food & Wine.  After this limp excuse that didn't even measure up to the $.99 cent selections at Taco Bell, I decided not to bother. 

Warning: This boring-ass taco is likely to cause siesta!   

Out of the corner of my eye, the Hawaii hut appeared.  They were serving a pulled pork slider.  Normally three melodic words that would have made it my first stop.  However there was something that just hadn't sounded quite so appetizing when I’d read it on the map.  What the hell, I figured?  Let's burn one more snack credit!  Who needs another Mickey Mouse ice cream bar anyway, right?  Well, this guy right here does, obviously, but just go with me (for the sake of the story!) 

There was no line.  Most guests were crowding around the lagoon for Illuminations.  I ordered my Kalua Pork Slider with Sweet & Sour Dole Pineapple Chutney and Spicy Mayonnaise.  That's what had initially thrown me, the name Kalua!  I thought they were talking about that syrupy liquor people pour in coffee (and mudslides!)  That didn't sound like something I'd enjoy on a sandwich.  In a kiddy pool with a straw, sure, but never on my pig!  Fortunately this Kalua had a few less H's.  Even more fortuitous (it's a word) this Kalua slider was simply AMAZING!!!  
An explosion of flavor rocked my mouth!  The pork was tender.  The sweet & sour pineapple relish had a zing.  And that spicy mayo perfectly balanced it out and added a kickin’ flavor without just being hot!  It was definitely unlike any pulled pork I've ever tasted.  I would paddle a longboat all the way to Honolulu to taste it again!  
I’ve been to Hawaii.  Why the hell aren’t they handing out  these babies when you step off the plane?  Screw those silly flower necklaces!  Oh right, it’s because fat Haoles like me would never leave, and that would not look good on a tourism brochure!  My look hasn't been considered hot in Polynesia since before Kamehameha!       

You have no idea until you try it!  

That Hawaiian pork slider was the perfect exclamation point on the end of my Food & Wine experience.  Early fall has always been my favorite time to head down to Walt Disney World.  But between the Fisherman’s Pie, the Lobster Roll, and that Kalua slider, I’ve got at least 3 solid reasons to start pushing my trips back a month or so! 

Seriously, this event is worth altering your travel plans!

Food & Whine!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Yes, I am breaking into song.  No, it's not Christmas time, even if Target secretly has some decorations out behind the Halloween stuff!

I'm talking about the International Food & Wine Festival at Epcot!  I was able to attend for the first time last year and it was, as the kids say, AMAZEBALLS!
Like a shark in a feeding frenzy I desperately swam from booth to booth sampling amazing (and okay, a few not so great) food samples.

I thought about posting some of my favorites from last year, as well as some that I'd caution you to avoid, should you be heading to F&W this year.  I promise I will.
But it occurred to me to share another WDW food related story today.  Think of it as a cautionary tale, as this particular eatery stands year round.  Though if we're lucky, maybe one of these days they'll roll the big ball right out of Downtown Disney in favor of something a bit more favorable and exciting.

Enjoy another excerpt torn right out of my upcoming book . . .

My second night in town, I was heading to Downtown Disney to pick up a little something for my wife and kids so it seemed the perfect night to score my cheap meal at Planet Hollywood.  That afternoon I'd had a couple beers at the hotel, took a combat nap, and grabbed a quick shower before heading out.  It was already coming on 7:00 by time I found myself approaching the first host stand at Planet Hollywood. Planet Hollywood isn't hard to find. It's literally a giant globe rising over the rest of Downtown Disney with the words Planet Hollywood in bright red lights.  You really can’t miss it.  You'll want to though. 

"Do NOT get sucked up this tube!"

I encountered two younger spiky haired employees with clipboards and radios as I walked up to see if I needed to put my name on a list.  They gave me an askew glance when I said it was just me.  They told me to head on up the stairs (the restaurant is actually in the middle of the giant globe so there's a metal staircase to climb - another reason you'd have to be really hungry to eat here.)  At the top of the stairs was another gaggle of hip, punky whippersnappers wearing Planet Hollywood gear.  A little portly dude with slick black hair (and I'm pretty sure eyeliner) wearing a far too tight black t-shirt asked me how many were in my party.  Again I said "just one."  And again I got that strange look like I'd just peed on someone's shoes. He followed it with a roll of the eyes and a faint noise like steam escaping.  The area outside the entrance looks like a red carpet event in Hollywood.  There was also really loud club music pumping overhead like we were about to enter some L.A. hotspot.  Me, with my graying beard and man-purse (yeah that's right) clearly didn't fit their definition of "cool clientele."  You could cut the attitude I was catching from these community college dropouts with a chainsaw (hmm, give one an idea.)  If everything in Walt Disney World tells a story, but Planet Hollywood’s story belong in a trashy tabloid magazine my wife leaves in the john. It was starting to piss me off.  If these B-roll reality stars didn't cool it and show me just a little respect as a customer (with a coupon) the story wasn't going to have a happy ending. Although they might end up on TV!

I was told to go inside and prepare for my third check-in / wait.  Fortunately, being a table of one, I was ushered through pretty quickly and taken to a small two-top wedged in among a row of them.  I was sitting under Jim Carrey's bike from The Truman Show.  The thumping, bumping house music was even louder and nearly intolerable inside.  It became quickly apparent that Planet Hollywood, at least this particular location was suffering from an identity crisis.  It was a movie themed restaurant that wanted to be a cool and trendy nightspot.  

My waitress did appear quickly and was friendly which is a plus - and believe me I was already keeping score – although she did give me that “oh you poor thing, eating all alone” voice a few times.  She pointed out some specialty drinks and my eyes zeroed-in on a margarita-like concoction called the Iron Man.  My head was spinning from the music so I quickly said go ahead and bring me one of those. After all, it was called an Iron Man!  I flipped through the menu while waiting for my drink.  It was basically the same selections as a T.G.I. Fridays, with the exception that everything cost roughly twice as much. 

The more I explored my options the more I realized that $15.00 credit would be but a drop in the ol’ bucket. Hell, it would barely cover the two drinks I'd end up having.  Still, I was bored with burgers (the cheapest item on the menu, besides a side salad) and wanted to get something unique that represented their menu.  After all, the place might have been extremely loud and tacky with more than an air of undeserved pretension (damn I should be a writer) but if the food was good, at least they’d earn some of their attitude.  Unfortunately nothing was grabbing me.  

Planet Hollywood claims they're famous for their lasagna.  I think infamous might be a more appropriate choice of wording.  It’s true their lasagna is like no other I've ever seen, but that's not exactly a compliment.  They use this strange cylindrical noodle/shell creation, stuff it with all the lasagna ingredients and serve the tubes standing straight up on their ends.  It might be one of the strangest entrees I've ever seen.  However I will say if I were directing a sci-fi movie set on some distant planet, I might use their lasagna as the model for an alien city!  

"Spock, there's no intelligent life behind this lasagna!"

The waitress tried pushing their signature lasagna-wannabe on me, but I was not interested.  I finally shot for the middle and ordered fajitas.  It felt like a strange choice, but again, didn't want another burger but wasn't going with one of their weird Hollywood concoctions.  Plus, you really can’t screw up fajitas, can you?  Honestly, their fajitas were just, uh, fajita-y. Weakly seasoned strips of steak and chicken and grilled peppers and onion. Not horrible, but not exactly exciting either. What the kids call (shrugging shoulders) “meh.”

By the time I was finished the place was actually packed which surprised me on a Thursday night.  My head was throbbing and not from the limp Iron Man cocktails as it should have been!  It was time to make my escape.  When the bill came that $15.00 voucher covered exactly half.  I guess I shouldn't complain, except that I was by myself.  Thirty bucks for one person!  There were big families in there.  I can't imagine what they were going to be paying for their mediocre meals and irritating ambiance.  Especially when half the

movie memorabilia was virtually unrecognizable! I wouldn't say it had been the worst dining experience of my life, but it was disappointing.  I could have gone to a number of the other restaurants in Downtown Disney and for $30 bucks (or less) had a much more satisfying experience.  As they say, you get what you pay for.

After settling up I headed toward the exit, then realized my business with Planet Hollywood was not finished yet. I had one more voucher and Planet Hollywood had one more shot at a favorable review. Along with the dining credit there was a coupon for a free souvenir at the Planet Hollywood gift shop. I like most guys like to get something for free. Maybe even a little more. I'm somewhere between picker and hoarder. Whatever, free is free!  So I sauntered up to the gift shop area which was little more than a partition wall with shelves of t-shirts, hats, and mugs all emblazoned with the PH logo. Nothing I was looking to wear, except maybe for sleeping or mowing the lawn (or pumping iron, Arnie-style, of course!)  The girl behind the counter with teased up hair and too much make-up asked if she could help with a big ol' grin.  I whipped out my voucher and asked "what can I do with this?" 

The joy on her face quickly, visibly melted away.  I could read her mind.  Another cheapskate with the coupon. She really wanted to tell me what to do with it!

"You get a keychain," she answered flatly. 

I could see a number of key chains under the glass that looked cool enough.  I can always use a keychain, and if not my kid would love it.  She must have been tracking my gaze.

"It's a special one Planet Hollywood has made for that coupon," she said, revealing a basket full of individually wrapped shiny objects. They looked like fishing lures. "Still want it?"

Again, free is free. I shrugged and took my free gift. She snatched my voucher with a sigh and literally turned away to go talk to other potential customers looking at t-shirts with actual intent to buy.  With one quick glance I could see my new keychain was a joke.  It was about the size of a nickel, maybe a quarter on a good day.  A simple metal Planet Hollywood globe and the PH Orlando logo.  I dropped it in my bag and made my way out.  Not a single "have a nice night" or "thanks for coming."  Just more pounding house music until I quickly escaped down the stairs and away from that horrific sphere.

I spent the rest of the evening milling around Downtown Disney, noting all the restaurants I should have eaten at, coupon or not.  There's great seafood at Fultons Crabhouse or delicious Italian cuisine at Portobello. Hell, I’d have tried the Cuban food in the giant pineapple. Bongo’s Cuban Cafe in Downtown Disney West Side is, much like the home of Mr. Squarepants is shaped like a pineapple. I could've gotten a plate of chorizo & beef skewers (spicy grilled meat on sticks, ya feel me?) and the amazing Argentinian skirt steak at Paradiso 37. Sure it would have cost more than $30 bucks, but I'd have waddled out in a meat induced joyful haze! Eveng oing cheap, I'd have been thrilled with the Holiday sandwich at Earl of Sandwich! It's thanksgiving smashed between bread, right down to the cranberry sauce! 

The list of better options goes on and on. Sure a lot of the restaurants in Downtown are loud and touristy too but the food and the service live up to the hype. Instead I let my wallet make my decision, going against the very rule I keep spouting.

Fortunately I soon found myself sitting outside one Downtown Disney’s best kept secrets, and refuge for all real men, Fuego by Sosa Family Cigars. Pinching a nice, relatively cheap Honduran (anywhere outside of WDW that would mean something entirely different) and a bourbon, the bitter taste of brash, tasteless commercialism was soon washed from my mouth. It faded away into the Florida moonlight with a few puffs of blue smoke.  Of course, that little treat cost me almost as much as my dinner. Yet I didn't bat an eye at the receipt. The difference of course was value. Quality isn’t necessarily cheap, but is almost always worth it.