Int'l Food & Wine Fest Tips: Eat This, Not That!

As Epcot's International Food & Wine festival gets underway, I thought since I can't be there personally this year, I'd share a few highlights of my culinary adventure last year.  Bon Appetite!  

I started to the right and came upon the Ireland booth near the Rose & Crown Pub.  They were serving something called Lobster & Scallop Fisherman’s Pie.  Sounded good, but a heavy creamy dish in the 80+ degree Florida sun?  Then I saw one.  It looked like a delicious little cloud of goodness.  Creamy whipped potatoes covered in melted cheese.  That alone could easily undo me.  Imagining chunks of lobster and scallops swimming in a delicious sea of sauce underneath was more than I could resist.  And thank Guinness!  It only took one steaming bite to know it was the right choice to start my eating adventure.  Right off the bat I got a huge hunk of lobster, mixed with whipped potato and sauce.  I felt connected to my Irish ancestors and to the sea gods themselves.  This was comfort food from an ancient home.  It was going to be hard for anything to live up to this first sample.  

 A Heavenly cloud of goodness! 

Ireland was pouring Guinness naturally, but also Bunraty Meade honey wine.  I’ve had Guinness a few (thousand) times before so I opted for the Meade.  I’d heard about Meade in Robin Hood and Game of Thrones, but never had the opportunity to raise a goblet.  Not what I expected, but very addictive.  It was sweet, slightly syrupy, with a distinct flavor of honey.  I could see sipping on that all evening, bullshitting with family & friends like old Irishmen.  Although I can also imagine the rockin’ hangover something that sweet can produce.   

 

"Keep away from yellow bears in tight red t-shirts!"

Morocco was serving my favorite Casa beer, and it was actually a little cheaper than in the pavilion.  While waiting, I thought of how often I’d considered trying Moroccan food.  This seemed like a good way to dip a toe in the water without committing to a full meal.  I ordered a Kefta pocket.  Seasoned ground beef in a pita.  How bad could it be, right? 

Turned out not bad at all!  It was like a thicker burger flavored with foreign and delicious seasonings served in a pita along with a kind of Moroccan cole slaw.  When eaten all together, it was one of the best things I’ve ever put in my mouth.  And I have had a lot of strange things in my mouth!  (What?!?)  

Make sure you eat it all together.  The slaw can bunch up at the bottom and you lose that complete flavor!  

I nearly walked right past a small sign that read Singapore.  I know Singapore’s most famous beverage, but one thing I didn’t know was what they ate with it.  I read over the menu and the words “coconut braised beef” caught my eyes.  My mouth began watering.     

Normally you say “coconut braised” anything I grab my fork.  Coconut braise a flip-flop and I'll be licking my chops.  Okay, that's a lie.  I'm actually wondering if the coconut braised Beef Rendang was formerly footwear.  I voraciously shoveled the first steamy bite into my mouth, and was immediately overwhelmed by this strange, un-beef like flavor.  It almost tasted like plastic or melted crayon.  I would have been better off eating the fork.  
To make matters worse, while it lacked in any enjoyable flavor, it over-compensated with spices.  The heat wave started traveling over my tongue and across the roof of my mouth like it was practicing Parkour. 

The hot mess on a plate was also actually hot!  The jasmine rice served alongside was hard and crunchy, like it had been sitting out too long. 

I still ate it.  Every bite.  Even though I hated the taste, like Stockholm syndrome I started to accept the heat, and in some masochistic way enjoy it.  More than anything, I finished my plate simply because I had paid for it.  I hate wasting money (and food!)  Throwing it away would be a double insult.  Appropriately, I ate it hunched over a garbage can.

 

 Take special note that it looks as if it was already eaten once.  Should've been a red flag!

Along with a helluva lot of Sam Adams beer, America was serving something called Linda Bean's Perfect Maine Lobster Roll.  I had no idea who Linda Bean was, but I do love me some lobster sir.  However I'd always heard of this New England staple as a hotdog roll loaded with a jar of mayonnaise and flake or two of lobster meat.  I caught sight of another guy's sandwich and I was stunned.  I saw hunks of lobster meat bigger than a baby's foot.  What I didn't see was mayo splooshing down his chin.  I decided it was time to introduce my pallet to this New England favorite. 

I was also stunned by this perfect roll’s cost $7.25.  The lobster roll was literally half a hotdog bun.  Still, I had to try it and snack credits were accepted.  Having taken advantage of Free Dining from Disney, I got my seven dollar snack for free.  One bite in, I would have gladly handed over a twenty spot.  I know that seems unlikely, but trust me.  The first bite made my eyes roll back into my head like a shark with a fat seal.  Fresh, thick lobster meat, just a touch of mayo, oil and light spices and herbs.  I had to sit down.  This was possibly the greatest sandwich I'd ever tasted.  

Admittedly being from the Midwest, I had no basis for comparison.  Lobsters haven't quite crawled their way to the Great Lakes.  They billed this as the “Perfect Lobster Roll” and I couldn’t possibly argue. 

I would have paid them fourteen bucks for a full-sized roll.  The last bite brought a tear of loss to my eye.  Seafood separation anxiety!  

 

I'm gonna cry!  Talk amongst yourselves . . . 

I found myself back at the ancient Mayan temple of Mexico.  The special festival offering was a choice between grilled shrimp or ribeye tacos.  I have never been one to pass up a good taco.  Actually, I've never passed up a taco period.  Along with food they were serving a strawberry lime margarita. 

The line moved fast and with my grilled rib eye taco and margarita in hand, I glanced around for someplace to eat.  That's one major challenge of Food & Wine.  Far less table space than people usually.  If you're with a group that could cause an issue.  Fortunately I was alone.  I'm also not proud.  As I said, I ate the spicy sewer rat from Singapore over a trash can.  A kindly middle-age man and his wife stopped me and asked how the margarita tasted.  I hadn't even tried it yet, so I obliged them by taking a sip.  My immediate reaction spilled out of my mouth: strong!  Seemed I hit the tequila pocket on my first attempt.  Shortly after the strawberry and subtle mint caught up once the initial alcoholic mushroom cloud passed and it was quite tasty. 

The gentleman chuckled and said “that's just how I like 'em!”  I laughed and carried on in search for a little out of the way spot to eat my taco.  Incidentally, that's how I like 'em too!  

I found space near the condiment counter of the San Angel Inn.  Back in the day what stood in its place was little more than a glorified churro stand with margaritas.  That and it used to be one of the best spots in Epcot to watch Illuminations.  I wasn't stopping to watch fireworks.  I had a prime beef taco to eat. 

I should have just gotten a plate of tacos from San Angel.  The grilled rib eye taco was a real disappointment.  A few strips of lightly marinated (as in barely at all) beef with chipotle pepper sauce and scallions wrapped in a flour tortilla.  It was dry and nearly flavorless.  Even a little lettuce would have helped this sad little taco.  When I was in line I thought if it was good, I'd go through again and order the grilled shrimp taco.  Then I could say I’d tried everything Mexico was offering at Food & Wine.  After this limp excuse that didn't even measure up to the $.99 cent selections at Taco Bell, I decided not to bother. 

Warning: This boring-ass taco is likely to cause siesta!   

Out of the corner of my eye, the Hawaii hut appeared.  They were serving a pulled pork slider.  Normally three melodic words that would have made it my first stop.  However there was something that just hadn't sounded quite so appetizing when I’d read it on the map.  What the hell, I figured?  Let's burn one more snack credit!  Who needs another Mickey Mouse ice cream bar anyway, right?  Well, this guy right here does, obviously, but just go with me (for the sake of the story!) 

There was no line.  Most guests were crowding around the lagoon for Illuminations.  I ordered my Kalua Pork Slider with Sweet & Sour Dole Pineapple Chutney and Spicy Mayonnaise.  That's what had initially thrown me, the name Kalua!  I thought they were talking about that syrupy liquor people pour in coffee (and mudslides!)  That didn't sound like something I'd enjoy on a sandwich.  In a kiddy pool with a straw, sure, but never on my pig!  Fortunately this Kalua had a few less H's.  Even more fortuitous (it's a word) this Kalua slider was simply AMAZING!!!  
An explosion of flavor rocked my mouth!  The pork was tender.  The sweet & sour pineapple relish had a zing.  And that spicy mayo perfectly balanced it out and added a kickin’ flavor without just being hot!  It was definitely unlike any pulled pork I've ever tasted.  I would paddle a longboat all the way to Honolulu to taste it again!  
I’ve been to Hawaii.  Why the hell aren’t they handing out  these babies when you step off the plane?  Screw those silly flower necklaces!  Oh right, it’s because fat Haoles like me would never leave, and that would not look good on a tourism brochure!  My look hasn't been considered hot in Polynesia since before Kamehameha!       

You have no idea until you try it!  

That Hawaiian pork slider was the perfect exclamation point on the end of my Food & Wine experience.  Early fall has always been my favorite time to head down to Walt Disney World.  But between the Fisherman’s Pie, the Lobster Roll, and that Kalua slider, I’ve got at least 3 solid reasons to start pushing my trips back a month or so! 

Seriously, this event is worth altering your travel plans!