John Carter. Why Don't I Care About You?

I know this blog tends to be pretty heavily Parks-centric, but as I’ve always said it is open to all things Disney. And something Disney has been promoting pretty heavily is buggin’ me.

At the risk of having my D23 card pulled, am I the only Disney geek not excited about John Carter?

Ever since the first teaser trailers, my overwhelming opinion has been "meh."

Looks like a low-rent Star Wars, with shades of Stargate and maybe even, God forbid that Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson opus, The Scorpion King. I'm trying to maintain an open mind. But I'll be honest, I've got young kids and limited funds so when I do make the trek and investment in a trip to the cinema, I want assurances that I'm going to see something awesome.

Back in the day when I'd see a minimum of a movie a week, I was less choosy. And I was probably easier-going on flicks. I'd find a nugget of something decent in almost anything. In the mid-90's I thought The Shadow and The Phantom were amazing. Now upon re-watching, well, I'll stand by The Phantom. It's cheesy, but it's supposed to be. The Shadow is tough to support. And I look at the clips from John Carter and I don't even see a glimmer of hope that this movie could be any good. The lead looks like a walking mannequin. The aliens look like cartoons. Andrew Stanton is known for his work at Pixar so maybe this should have been Pixar's next animated feature.

I wish I was excited about it. I love Tarzan, and while I've never read any of Burroughs' Mars chronicles from which this story was culled, I've heard they're pretty great. I just don't get moved in any way by any of the trailers they've released, and I've seen 3 different cuts so far. Not a great sign.

We Disney geeks always say we have faith in Imagineering, but lately it's been hard to say the same about the Disney film studio. Last year they dropped the atomic bomb that was Mars Needs Moms. I could have called that belly-flop from way outside the pool.

Even Tron: Legacy, while it had some redeeming moments and was visually astounding, was overall pointless and cryptic and it seems audiences reacted as such. Not too mention about 20 years too late. If you're going to revisit the "sequel to old properties" pool, where's our Rocketeer sequel/reboot. I say now's the time to strap on the helmet and jet pack!

The Rocketeer holds up very well even now so many years later. And with special effects having advanced so far, I think if you released that movie today you could do amazing things. Look at Captain America – similar setting, similar themes, same Director. Those movies practically bookend each other. The only reason The Rocketeer wasn’t a tremendous hit is timing. Same movie, put out last summer, would have been huge. The late-80’s/ early-90’s were a confused time. Believe me, I was there. It was Club Mtv, neon clothing, spandex, Cavarrici’s and Zubas, Aqua Sox. It wasn’t pretty. The mullet was still a completely socially acceptable hair choice. We were still looking forward to this endless party of an optimistic future. Now that we’ve seen the truth, we’re desperately looking backward to heroes from the past.

Okay, so maybe I answered my own question. Maybe that’s the hope for John Carter. After all, he is a Civil War soldier sucked into an alien world . . . or whatever. I hope I’m wrong. As a Disney stock holder, I really hope I’m wrong. How many more box-office disasters can we survive?

I don’t know. I see Cowboys & Aliens redux written all over this one. Are you guys excited about this flick?