I'm Sorry . . . What Is This "Off-Property" Place You Speak Of???

Recently I received an email from a family member (only by law) asking if I'd be willing to offer advice and recommendations to a coworker friend of hers that was planning a trip to the World.

As I love talking Walt Disney World, and take great pleasure in helping people, especially first timers plan Disney trips I said sure. I said I'd give him some ideas and then direct him to a friend who is also an authorized Disney travel planner to book.

That's when she said "oh no, they've already got their hotel reservations and stuff."

That immediately sent up my Caution flag. I had a bad feeling I knew what that meant. So, without explanation I simply asked, "On-property, or off?"

As I feared, the answer came back "Off-property." I apologized, vowed to never speak to this person and nearly cut my sister-in-law out of my life as well! Okay, not really
I thought about it though!

I did tell her flat out that any help or assistance I could offer was already moot, as the first rule of Fight Club is simple: ALWAYS STAY ON-PROPERTY!

If you cannot adhere to Rule # 1, I'm afraid I cannot help you. I can't be responsible for someone's disappointment if they're not willing to commit to having the best vacation experience possible. And the first (and simplest) piece of that process is where to stay.  For me, if you don't stay in a Disney hotel, you're already diminishing your entire trip.

I don't care that you got a deal. Don't want to hear that your grandma booked the trip as a Christmas present. I couldn't be less interested in the timeshare points your parents transferred to you. Couldn't give a rip that you're going partly for business and the company is letting you bring the family along. You should have enough respect for yourself and the quality of your life that you say thanks but no thanks to any of those situations and book your Disney resort hotel right away.

What? You like traffic that much? You have a strange fetish for parking lots? You want your first ride of the day to be the tram from your car to the TTC (That's the Transportation & Ticketing Center for those of you staying off prop. Don't worry - you'll be very familiar with it by time your trip is over. )

Personally I like to refer to the TTC as the Island of Misfit Tourists.  You'll learn why.  Have fun with that!

Oh, and let's not forget to mention that, at least when you go to the Magic Kingdom (which you'll obviously be visiting and probably multiple times) you'll drive the 20 - 30 minutes from your off-prop hotel, then wait to pay to park then find that one elusive parking spot in a sea of cars just to hitch a ride on said tram to the TTC.
That already sounds like too much work and wasted time for a vacation. And all that just to realize you're still ACROSS A LAKE from the park! Yeah, that's right. Now you get to wait for either a monorail or a ferry. Take your pick. More waiting. More lines. More time ticking away before you even start to have fun.

Meanwhile my Disney resort shuttle is dropping me off curbside, way over there on the other side of that lagoon, you know . . . where the park is.  Just a short stroll and I'm through the gates.

But okay, for whatever reason that doesn't sway you.  Saving a few bucks (which you likely will have to dump right back into a rental car, but I digress) is more important to you.  Let's be honest, the mark of Disney is quality. They're the leader in everything they do, and that goes for hotels. Even their "cheap" hotels, the Value Resorts are extremely clean, comfortable, and incredibly themed. I've stayed at every tier of Disney hotel. My very favorite, and where I'll probably continue to stay is Disney's Pop Century.

I know even Disney resort veterans debate about the Values verses the Moderates verses the Deluxe hotels. And let's not even get into the DVC resorts. I know the bigger more expensive resorts are incredible. They offer more amenities and yes, they're closer to the parks. But I'm perfectly happy with my Pop! I would never stay somplace like the Grand Floridian. I mean, yes, it's Disney property and right near the Magic Kingdom at that, but man what a stuffy snooze-fest!

If I'm at Walt Disney World, I want to stay in a whimsy, fun, cartoon-like hotel, and that's what the Value Resorts are about! That's also why they're so popular. Aside from the price, of course.

And I really want to puke when I hear "we rented a house all to ourselves with a pool." Lucky you, bobbing up and down on a noodle in a screened-in pool staring at each other, sucking down a Pabst in a foam cozy!
Pop Century has 3 awesome pools, as do all the resorts. And most of them have a fully stocked poolside bar as well!

Update:  In late 2012 Disney opened the Art of Animation Resort.  Just across Hourglass lake from Pop Century, it's also a vast Value resort, this time featuring "Value family suites."  The 4 buildings are each themed to a popular Disney animated feature.  The suite buildings are The Lion King, Cars, and Finding Nemo, which boosts a pool area that rivals many water parks.  If you want to stay a little cheaper, the Little Mermaid building is still regular rooms just like the rest of the Value resorts.  Art of Animation is beautiful.  It's colorful, and kids will lose their minds when they see.  The resort is incredible. 
That said, it still didn't replace Pop's place in my heart.

I should also talk about the extra perks of staying Disney. The most obvious and possibly most valuable is called Extra Magic Hours. Chunks of time outside of regular operating hours where the parks and attractions are open only to Disney resort guests. For example, if Magic Kingdom is slated to close at 9:00 on a particular night, once the fireworks fade, anyone in the park without a Disney Key to the Kingdom (room card) is encouraged to not let the turn-styles smack 'em in the cheeks on their way out.
They ain't got to go home, but they sure as heck can't stay on Main Street U.S.A.!

But resort guests flashing their key (and soon their bracelet) get to stay til midnight (or later depending on the day and season) and ride Space Mountain with a greatly reduced wait thanks to the evacuation of the Radisson & Ramada riff-raff.

For the sake of argument though, let's just say you have an aversion to fun and whimsy. Well my first question is why the heck would you even come to Walt Disney World??? But let me try to make the case for staying on Disney property at a level that even you can't ignore.

Let's talk cleanliness and hygiene. Disney knows the outside world is always poised to jump all over them for any slip-ups. It just happens when you're the best. Haters gonna hate. So they have to stay on top of everything regarding their guests safety. Do you really think a smaller hotel chain in Orlando is going to feel that pressure to pay such close attention to every detail? Disney actually cares that you remain safe and healthy on their watch.
Whereas I've heard multiple horror stories, firsthand of people who went to Orlando to visit Walt Disney World but stayed off-property. Sad terrifying tales of personal items stolen, complaints of filthy rooms, insects, mold, reptiles, and worst of all contracting strange ailments most-likely from said hotels. I've heard reports of foot fungus picked up from the carpets, head lice, allergic reactions, scabies. Yes, that's right! SCABIES!!!

              Look Ma, a souvenir!

So even if you don't care about staying closer to the parks, letting Disney drive you where you want to go, being immersed in the Disney magic from the moment you check-in, being able to take advantage of additional perks such as the Disney Dining Plan and Extra Magic Hours, bonus features only Disney hotel guests get to enjoy . . . you really don't want scabies do you???

Look I know some people just don't understand. They can't see past the price tag. Yes, staying at a Disney resort can be a little more pricey. They don't realize that, as in all things you get what you pay for. And I confess, I often want to shake those people.

When you pay for a Disney hotel you just get a better, more exciting, more immersive experience. You are their guest, and they want you to have a great experience from the minute you step off the airport shuttle to heading into the parks for the day, to practically tucking you in with a kiss goodnight.
Because they're such altruistic people-people?  No, because they want you to come back! And they want you to tell everyone you know so they'll come! That's why they make it so worth your while!

When you stay off property, even if you don't pick up a parasite, let's face it, you leave the Disney parks each night and have to head back into the real world.  Back to the hotel.  I leave the real world when I go down and I don't want to even be reminded it's lurking out there until I absolutely must at the end of my stay.
When you stay Disney, it's all one world. The hotels are just an extension of the parks and attractions, and vice-versa.

Even after my ranting, I know there are those out there who insist on renting cars and staying off-property. Why, I'll never know. You will never be able to convince me that it's better. You will never convince me you're NOT missing out.  You just are. I guess maybe I just don't understand.

And Lord willing, I never will.